This isn’t a big deal if you really think about it, in fact it’s not a big deal if you DON’T think about it . In fact, I’m wasting both my time and yours by writing anything at all. Welcome to purgatory.
Anticipating our 2020 album release and out of the need to “be kinder to our fans”, whatever that means, the band has decided to actually make and operate an Instagram account. WOW. Yep, this entire post is such a waste of your time right now.
Don’t get me wrong, we adore wasting your time, we really do, we really really do, but is there actually any more information that can be added to this post beyond the announcement that we have done something so mundane? Yes, absolutely, you bet, totally, just give it a sec. okay, there.
It all started in the 1990’s when most of us discovered computers and masturbation and a way to combine the two elements in order to become more… powerful. Anyway, we were all ready for us to be gods and for this to be the utopia that we were to occupy in perpetuity but then the Star Trek communicator came to the market and people began texting and sexting and and tex-mexting (which is when you take a picture of your genitals from the restroom of a Chili’s To Go [source: https://youtu.be/h5Ug9r4AxpM?t=40 ] ) and the world became impossibly complicated.
Soonish later, Al Gore put the internet on the cell phone and the bees died and then I was behind some professional-looking people at the Seven Eleven and one of them says to the other that they haven’t had a computer in three years. I could pick up from body language and the dancing that this particular individual meant to imply that their entire job and/or life did not require a “computer” whatsoever and that all of the required operations of a human person of the 21st century could be adequately provided by the pants rectangle that they were holding and gesturing toward in their… shoot… phone users… what’s the word for those? OH! Hands! The hands, of course.
I couldn’t believe it, no computer? What do you waste space with on your desk at work? Like, a picture… of a… plant… graduating… extra pens… to… look at… a hat… in case of sun… a marijuana vaporizing thingy that looks like a flash drive… and I guess isn’t fooling anyone because no computer. I’m loosing focus. The point is, I’m a computer person like cat people are cat people and phone people are like dog people to me; I can’t wrap the brain around the preference for the interface.
So, this all ties into Instagram because Instagram wasn’t made for the computer… like not even kinda. So, like, Mombook is easily operated by either machine, GoogleTube same, Streaming Sites, Bezos Prime, they all got a dual existence with the phone and the computer machine but not the Instagram. They went out of their way to be phone only and you have to do some simple, but clearly not optimized jankery to even post a thing to the thing without sending it to the thing first and then posting it from that thing. So I thought that the phone-only thing would be quite obnoxious to deal with so I never set one up and I was all like, “To hell with that noise, it’s just a fad anyway and it will be quickly forgotten like vine or snapchat”. I figured if you want something to truly exist until it becomes an absolute decaying cesspool that could be nuked from orbit and still survive Facebag is the prime example and the computer is a big part of that. The reality is that I know nothing.
People like Instagram as it turns out. So I says to Josh, we should get us an Instagram for the serious. He says, “I know, I told you that a thousand years ago.” So he did the work, he set up the thing, he told me how to tweet to the Instagram on the computer machine and made it very easy for me to look up a bunch of times for when I forget and now we have a thing of pictures. Great! Click it: https://www.instagram.com/thikckevin/