Look, it’s December.

So, we released that album in February 2020, which will forever be remembered as the last month before most people in society knew what a talentless joke about a goddamn Zoom Meeting was. Just as we finally pinched off the turd that is our first official album the world shuts down. Neat! Just our luck I guess but personally, I am going to blame All is Harvest, or Slut Machine, or whatever dumb name they call themselves by now-a-days. Mike, Drew, and Ziggy can all suck my knob, Steve Deurlein is alright.

The truth is that we actually are happy with that album, proud of it even, but we’re not really into that streaming thing so we’re going to wait until we can play it around Cleveland at a few venues before making it available online… We know that nobody is going to buy a copy unless they see us on stage anyway. That’s how it works and we’re willing to accept that.

You might be wondering what he ‘Kevin boys’ have been up to during these past 9 months of isolation but I know that you don’t truly “care” and that you secretly wish, like we do, that society would develop an unwritten understanding that any personal essays regarding “What I did During Covid” would be assumed to be basically just like everybody else’s dumbfuck life story and better left unsaid as a result. When this is all over buy me a beer, give me a nod, and watch whomever is on stage with me; we don’t need to bore each other with anything further about this garbage time in history.

That being said, we did write some new material that is fun and stupid and we have recorded primaries (drums and such) for another 10 new tracks, most written since Mikey has joined. The new stuff sounds like Gabe finally learned what those stick things laying near the drum kit do so it’s starting to give the neighbors the unsolicited boners they have been yarning for. That album should be done with production eventually but we’re too impatient to make it the 4-year safari that we went on in order to fart out Cardboard Junkies so it will be out in like a year max, I swear.

You know what nobody wants to hear? Everybody’s melancholy or supposedly uplifting acoustic tune about the pandemic and isolation and crap like that. You should be happy to know that we didn’t even make an attempt to write something even tangential to that garbage. If you’ve heard one you’ve hear them all and boy are they useless. Songs about social unrest and corruption in society is a goddamned punk tradition, write a thousand songs like that, when they all start to sound the same TURN UP THE FUCKING VOLUME… but your sad, banal, acoustic tune about being lonely and quarantined can go fuck itself right up itself. It is a definitive selling point that this new album is PROMISED to have NOTHING about that buttfucking pandemic on it.

I think I lost my train of thought. Basically, we’re still alive and we want you to know that. We’ve got plans to pick things back up as soon as the government forces vaccinations on all of us and allows the bars to stay open past 10pm. We’re happy to get back on stage, we have new tunes, we have new costumes, we have so many expectations and aspirations and if they all don’t pan out exactly the way that we want them to then we will blame everybody else and expect sympathy on social media. The only thing we don’t know is exactly when… or where… or any details whatsoever but we’re ready, we assure you.

If you want to be notified about any future Thikc Kevin news go ahead and click on that star or chevron or whatever in the address bar of your web browser, select “Other Bookmarks”, and throw this URL into the fucking void to never be seen again. I guess call Josh for updates, I don’t know. We don’t have a mailing list. Who the hell has time for that?

Eat vegetables. Don’t write anything stupid.

-Ryan